You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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