I cockslap morals
Small penises have feelings too.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
