ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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