i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
