He uses pillows to masturbate.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
