Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
