Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
