i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
