I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
