I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
