Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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