She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
