the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
