Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Small penises have feelings too.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
