I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
