Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm at about main and main street
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
