You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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