I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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