This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
