I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
