On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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