i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
