guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
