So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
