opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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