Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
