We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
