Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
