at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
