Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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