I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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