why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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