i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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