I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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