I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
