i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My ATM looks so different sober.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
