Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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