Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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