she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
