i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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