she woke up with a sticky ear
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
