you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
