I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
