A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
