Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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