Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
