Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
