He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
