Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
