you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
