Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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