I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
